Mama R:
“This is actually about my step daughter. Back in June of 2016 we (my husband and I ) were informed that her mother’s boyfriend was a sexual predator. He was arrested for sexually assaulting the younger sibling of his other girlfriend. He only served 9 months on the charge. We were told by DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) courts that SD was safe in her mother’s home, even though her mother had been quoted by DCFS saying she wouldn’t keep SF away and that that case has nothing to do with her. My husband and I have reported the fact that we seen SF leaving from and coming to BM’s home to DCFS and **PD and was given the run around by both agencies. On or around Dec 1 of 2018, BM called my husband and stated “my boyfriend is dead”. In March of 2019 four days after SD’s 14th birthday we found out that she was 23 weeks pregnant and she confessed the father was mother’s deceased boyfriend. We contacted **PD and DCFS and were told to return her to BM.
We saw SD 4 more times outside of court before she gave birth. All along being told it was DH’s fault because he didn’t do enough to keep her safe from the known predator, negating the fact that said predator preyed inside of mother’s home. After SD gave birth her mother alienated us from everything she could, with the exception of school we had no contact with her. Until December, SD called my husband crying and asked us to come pick her up from a bus stop. We did and then we called BM to let her know we had SD. BM said we kidnapped SD and DCFS said we must return her to her mother. SD comes back for Christmas and wanted to stay, her mother was verbally abusing her over the phone when she said she would come the next morning. SD then called **PD on her mother to get her son (This was the first time we were able to see him outside of court at 5 months old). SD stayed five days and was told by DCFS that she must return to her mother’s home.
We were warned by DCFS to return SD as well. Again in March SD texted 911 and asked for DH to get her from BM’s house. She stayed with us until Easter Sunday and she was to return five days later. Her mother did not allow it saying she hadn’t completed her school work. SD messages me on Instagram asking to call the police and come get her. She’s been here since may 16 and says she plans to stay. Since COVID19 we haven’t been to court, but we were told at the last court date that BM was evicted and scheduled to be out by 4/1/20. But that’s not the case because of COVID19 – BM’s lawyer said at court that she needed the child in her home to qualify for housing assistance.”
Mama Bear Blended Family Support:
Mama, I can’t begin to imagine what you and yours have been through. Hearing your story is heart wrenching! Please know, from the outside looking in, you and your DH have done absolutely everything you can for your SD, and she is so so lucky to have you two in her life. Calling the proper authorities when necessary combined with always being there for her regardless of how anyone feels about it is exactly what you should be doing.
I’m in disbelief that local authorities, the courts, and the Department of Children and Family Services did not and have not stepped up to remove SD from this situation and household. Appalled that anyone would think it is safe for a child to be in a situation which mirrored the situation SF was in with another woman and her child. It’s sick to think about, but these things happen and it’s scary to think – that as parents – there is a limit to which we can protect our children.
It is with my deepest sympathies that I share your story, and I want you to know that you are not alone! We are here for you, any time, any day. I hope that your situation continues to improve and that there is justice found for your child in the near future. I will hope and pray that you and DH receive custody soon and that everyone is safe. Please, never hesitate to reach out, here for you love.
More on Teenage Pregnancy and Sexual Assault
• 62% of pregnant and parenting adolescents had experienced contact molestation, attempted rape,
or rape prior to their first pregnancy. (Boyer & Fine, 1993)
• 61% of pregnant teenagers had had an unwanted sexual experience. (Gershenson et. al., 1989)
• 74% of women who had intercourse before age 14 report a history of forced sexual intercourse.
(Alan Guttmacher Institute, 1994)
• Between 11% and 20% of girls were pregnant as a direct result of rape. (Boyer & Fine, 1993)
• 23% of women who were victimized were pregnant by their perpetrator. (Gershenson et. al., 1989)
“A significant correlation exists between childhood sexual abuse and teen pregnancy. An estimated 60 percent of teen girls’ first pregnancies are preceded by experiences of molestation, rape, or attempted rape. In one study, between 30 and 44 percent of teen mothers were victims of rape or attempted rape. Up to 20 percent of girls become pregnant as the direct result of rape.*
The Harvard School of Public Health’s exhaustive research on the lives of girls demonstrates that girls who are victims of violence from dating partners are four to six times more likely than non-abused girls to become pregnant, and eight to nine times more likely to attempt suicide.
Other research findings compare sexually abused pregnant teens to pregnant teens who have not suffered sexual abuse. The sexually abused girls initiated intercourse a year earlier than their peers and engaged in a wide variety of high-risk behaviors, including substance abuse. The average age of first intercourse for abused girls is 13.8, in contrast to the national average of 16.2. Only 28 percent of the abused girls used birth control at first intercourse, compared to 74 percent of girls in the general population” (Saar, 2008).
Rape and Rape-Related Pregnancy: By the Numbers
- Almost 3 million women in the U.S. experienced RRP during their lifetime.
- The prevalence of RRP was similar across racial and ethnic groups (i.e., Hispanic, White non-Hispanic, Black non-Hispanic, and other non-Hispanic).
- About 18 million women have experienced vaginal rape in their lifetime. Women who were raped by a current or former intimate partner were more likely to report RRP (26%) compared to those raped by an acquaintance (5.2%) or a stranger (6.9%).
- Of women who were raped by an intimate partner, 30% experienced a form of reproductive coercion by the same partner. Specifically, about 20% reported that their partner had tried to get them pregnant when they did not want to or tried to stop them from using birth control. About 23% reported their partner refused to use a condom.
- Women raped by an intimate partner who reported RRP were significantly more likely to have experienced reproductive coercion compared to women who were raped by an intimate partner but did not become pregnant.
Please feel free to comment with advice and support! We’d love to keep the conversation going! Let’s build a community! Hit the follow button and share your experiences!
References:
CDC.gov, 2020. Understanding Pregnancy Resulting from Rape in the United States https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/datasources/nisvs/understanding-RRP-inUS.html
Community Crisis Center Inc, n.d. https://www.crisiscenter.org/images/SAINDoc10.pdf
Saar, M., 2008. Center for American Progress: A Missing Piece of the Prevention Puzzle https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/women/news/2008/08/06/4768/a-missing-piece-of-the-prevention-puzzle/
Mama Bear Blended Family Support 