In My Heart & On My Mind

I’ve been taking time away from social media and focusing on things that bring me inner peace lately. The silence can be seen on all of my social media outlets.

Recently I picked up my yarn and crochet hook again and started crocheting for the first time in two years. Among many unfinished projects in my yarn bag, I found the scarf that I started and had yet to finish for my stepdaughter.

Pulling the partially completed, vividly colored scarf from the bag brought many different feelings to the surface. As I held it in my hands, I remembered when I came across this bright multicolored yard, and I thought this is perfect for SD. I thought about how long I had worked on the scarf before I set it down, and what was going on in the custody case while I was working on it last. I thought about her and what she would think of it when it’s finished.

This flood of emotions took about a week to work through and contemplate before I picked the scarf up and started working on it again; During which time I brushed up on my skills again so that I was able to do comparable work to when I started the scarf 2 years ago.

Currently I’m still unable to see SD, so during DH’s parenting time he made sure to let her know that I’ve still got the scarf I started a couple years go, and that I’m finishing it. DH said she seemed excited when she heard the news. I’ll take that as a win. A couple days passed, and I wanted to share a picture of the scarf so far with her, so I sent her a text with the progress and a message that said I loved her and missed her and that I was finally finishing the scarf I started a couple years ago. That I’d love to give it to her in person when it’s finished.

I worked on the scarf on and off, for a few days. Some days I dedicated a lot of time and sole concentration to it and other days I crocheted while listening to a show or music. Those who crochet know that it’s extremely time consuming and intricate work. Each stitch requires around 5 different motions for the stitch to be completed. When people say “stitched with love” they mean it. Your fingers get tired and sore, and it takes a really long time to complete something, so you just have to be consistent and keep working at it.

There is a lot of time and effort that goes into it, a lot of love. So when people just toss something that someone took the time and effort to make for them, it’s almost hurtful. In my family when someone made something for you you cherished it for life.

I’ve made a scarf for my son, blankets for all of the kids, as well as paintings, customized room decor and all sorts of handmade jewelry. They’ve been the ones proudly wearing the things that I made when I first started out. They didn’t care if the knots weren’t perfect or if it fell apart after lots of wear and tear. But it warmed all of our hearts for them to wear and enjoy my first works of art. My imperfect pieces. ❤ Those are the most special in my opinion…

I still have the scarf, and I let her know that I have it waiting for her, but that I wanted to give it to her in person. I know that may be next season, or two years down the road, or ten, or never. It’s sad that it’s like that… but I’ve grown to accept it.

Have you had similar experiences? Feelings? Situations?

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